Puns for those with a slightly higher IQ...

We haven't had any puns since the days of the Keep in touch pages, so it seemed like a good idea to start the new year with this collection.

• Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine ...

• A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

• Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

• Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

• Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

• A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

• Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

• Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

• When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

• A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

• What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

• In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

• She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

• If you don't pay your exorcist, You get repossessed

• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

• You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

• Local Area Network in Australia - the LANd down under.

• Every calendar's days are numbered.

• A lot of money is tainted - T'aint yours and t'aint mine.

• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

• He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

• A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

• Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

• Acupuncture is a jab well done.